The Fire Within

Posted on Sat Jun 6th, 2015 @ 8:11pm by Commander Rylie Cattmor & Lieutenant Jensen Foster

2,847 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: What Dreams May Come
Location: Foster's Quarters
Timeline: A few days after The Passing of the Storm

ON:

Standing there before the mirror, Jensen took in the tired and exhausted look on his face. He just hadn't been doing well since his and Cattmor's attempt with the telepathic-link. While his paracortex had healed normally and his empathic ability had resurfaced, his mind was just tired from the erratic and intense emotional blasts he'd been getting. It didn't help that the crew's nightmares and hallucinations were increasing the longer they stayed in the cloud.

Shaking his head, he turned and entered the living space of his quarters, replicating a bottle of sparkling white wine, two wine glasses, and a platter of cheese and crackers. Setting them down on the table in front of the couch, he requested, "Computer, play classical Earth music, artist Bach." Immediately the space was filled with the gentle sounds of flute, violin, and piano playing wonderfully together. He picked up on the fact that musical number playing was Bach's trio sonata in B-flat minor. Something about the music helped calm him a bit and he relaxed on the couch, waiting for the moment when Cattmor would arrive.

Whatever this felt like, whatever this was, it still felt like a date to Rylie, and it was a thought that she couldn't quite expel from her mind. It had been a long time coming either way though, and while she knew what this important something was in reference to, and who was involved, at least on a high level, she wasn't about to openly peek to get the full story. That would be cheating, and highly immoral, and she was neither. This was something that Mister Foster would need to tell her, in his own words, and in his own time. And that time, was now.

As she walked down the halls to Foster's quarters, she actually felt exhausted. Sleep had not easily come, or stayed over the last few days, and it had been the same since they'd entered the cloud. Dreams, nightmares, and hallucinations were terrorising most of the crew, at least those still awake or alive, since a few crewmen had slipped into comas, and the Ranger's morgue had increased in occupancy as well. She stood outside her destination, trying and failing to stave off a yawn, before pressing the button.

Attempting to center his own personal emotions, Jensen answered the chime with, "Come in."

She entered as soon as the doors parted, but didn't venture in far, just far enough to allow the doors to close. "Good evening," Rylie said softly. This was one of the first times they'd seen each other since meeting with T'mpest regarding the incident on holodeck two, and she felt as nervous as she sensed Jensen was. "How are you? Are you..."

"He's fine." replied the figure dressed in confederate clothing walking into the main living area and stood just behind Foster. Cattmor tried her best to disregard the man she knew almost intimately. "Well he's alive at any rate which is a lot better than most of the people you've met and had first-hand experience with your gift."

Looking into her green eyes, Jensen gave a nervous smile, fidgeting slightly. He hadn't expected to feel the way he did, but nervousness and shame coiled inside of him and he answered her inquiries with one of his own, "Me?" Breathing deeply, he centered as best as he could, sensing her own nervousness just as sharply, if not more so, than his own. "My mind has healed and my memories of our interaction on the holodeck have surfaced. My empathy has been a bit erratic lately and a few crewmen have reported being affected by it, but Doctor Quinn has done her best to help them out."

Motioning for her to join him on the couch, he busied himself with opening the bottle and pouring them drinks. Handing one to her, he said, "You can have some crackers and cheese, if you wish. I... I'm a bit rusty, but hope I'm doing alright." He smiled weakly and then asked, "What about you? How are..."

As she made a second glance at the man still standing in her field of view, "Fine." Cattmor answered quickly, too quickly, before taking in Jensen's look of disbelief; after all he'd seen her medical file since the incident. "A bit shaken, coupled with the events over the last day or so, nightmares, visions."

"Oh come now, captain, you can't dismiss me that easily - you're not even going to say that I'm here?" Lindell said in a very disbelieving tone. "I'm hurt." he added with a mocking smile.

She took a quick breath before walking to the couch and finally sitting down. "I keep going over it all in my head, it's just, well the whole thing's just got to me, that's all."

"As can be expected. I'm feeling the same, truth be told. But, honesty is always the best option, in my opinion."

"Especially to a telepath," Lindell quipped.

Jensen took a sip from his drink, before setting it down and just gazing at Cattmor, suddenly feeling seventeen again and as if he were on his first date. Which was absurd, as this wasn't a date at all. As beautiful as Rylie Cattmor was, he just wasn't attracted to her in that way. He really just knew that it was time to finally come clean about his last posting aboard the Zenobia. He was tired of being plagued by his dead lover, especially when he was feeling attracted to a certain medical ensign. He pushed that to the back of his mind, even while acknowledging the knowing smirk on Cattmor's face. Blushing slightly, he went forward anyway with why he'd invited her to his quarters.

There was that face again, and the feelings regarding it, and the situation suffixing those same thoughts. There was also a quick flash of herself in Foster's eyes, and she could feel a little more colour flushing in her cheeks as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, momentarily breaking eye contact.

"On the subject of honesty, I do believe I owe you an explanation about my 'transfer' to the Ranger," Jensen said, staring into the face of his friend.

"You mean how it wasn't actually your choice?" She said, not accusingly, just showing that she already caught wind of some of the details, just not the full story, hoping that being partially telepathic himself, at least a member of a telepathic race, this would lend credence to her position to aid Jensen to fully open up and tell the full story and the whole truth. But just in case, she offered him an out, "Jensen," she said reaching for her glass, taking in the aroma like a pro, and taking a sip, "I would like to know, and if you feel this is the right time then please, if not, I understand."

"No, I... I need to, Rylie. I think it's the only way to get him to leave me alone. And I don't want to hide anything from you." Jensen glanced around his quarters, half expecting to see the aforementioned person materialize, but after a few seconds, he felt safe to continue.

"As I've already mentioned, during my posting on the Zenobia we were given the directive to seek out and help allies and members of the Federation. My last mission aboard was when we were to help the Vevarians with an outbreak on their home world. It was there I met Kai and Cal'n and became close to them, one being like a son to me and the other becoming my partner." He paused, taking a rather quick sip from his drink. Continuing, "My team and I were really close to having a treatment ready, when Kai contracted the plague ravaging Vevaria. I, personally, took it harder than I should have. I worked day and night to refine and synthesize a cure. After finally getting viable results, I went to give Kai the cure. But when I arrived at his home, I found, to my utter devastation, that he'd died. Kai's family blamed me. Even Cal'n blamed me. I took it hard. In that instance I lost two very important people in my life."

He paused, feeling tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Brushing them away, he continued, "It was also, in that moment, that I lost it. I broke inside and fell into a very dark place. The events that occurred, I don't remember any of it. I only know that when I came to, I was surrounded by destruction and death. No one aboard the Zenobia or on Vevaria had known about my unique mental abilities. No one, except for Kai and Cal'n. I was treated by the medical team on board my ship, and soon after found that Cal'n was in one of our intensive care wards. I went to him immediately. But the damage had already been done."

This time, he allowed the tears to fall. "Cal'n was dying. He'd been near me when I'd blacked out and had tried to help me by telepathically linking to my mind to try and stop my empathic gift from affecting others. Unfortunately, my gift was too much for him to handle and the telepathic link backfired, causing my latent abilities to lash outward and reign free. In the ward, I got to have one last talk with him before he passed away. He forgave me for what I'd done and didn't want me to blame myself for what had happened. He even told me that he was sorry he'd pushed me away, knowing that he'd hurt me deeply. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me and hoped I would one day find another to love and open up to."

It was here that he stopped, sobbing freely and openly. He cradled his head in his hands and wept. For his lost love and for the Vevarian people.

The sudden and strong emotional outburst caught Rylie unprepared, and unguarded, as it went straight into her head like a club. She recovered quickly albeit a little shocked. She expected to come here and have a conversation over a drink or two, not to have her own head messed with as Jensen's emotions overlapped with her own, causing a tear to escape her eye as well. For all intents and purposes, she felt awkward. With what had transpired in the holodeck to T'mpest's ready room, this was essentially the first they'd seen each other in an off-duty capacity since the incident, and she did not know what to say, or what to do next, apart from to move closer to Foster and squeeze his arm, which he barely seemed to register.

Rylie took a breath before speaking quietly, "I'm grateful that you think of me highly enough to open up to me about this, but you also have to realise that what happened was an accident, a tragic accident, sure; but it wasn't your fault."

"No?!"

"No." she replied without so much as a gap to think about it.

Lindell sighed, "Oh don't be naive, Cattmor, of course it was his fault; quite impressive too."

"You did your job," Rylie went on as if no interruption happened, which to Jensen, it hadn't. "You had the cure or at least a treatment. There's a story I..." she paused trying to find the best way to say that she'd picked the thought up from someone's head, "came by, while I was at the Academy, about the chief medical officer of the original Enterprise, Doctor McCoy. His father had an incurable disease, was in constant pain and the doctors couldn't do anything but keep him alive on life support. McCoy took it upon himself to act on pleas from his father to perform euthanasia to stop the pain. A few days later, they found a cure. I'm not sure how true the story is, but the point is that sometimes life just deals us hands that are unfair. To teach us that without loss, we can't truly appreciate what we have."

"That's a beautiful story; get's you right here, doesn't it?" The vision of her old instructor said motioning to his heart. Rylie gave him a short, sharp glance in his direction, one which luckily went unnoticed by Foster.

After his sobbing subsided and he took a few deep, calming breaths, he sat up, disengaging from Cattmor. Wiping his face, he swallowed the lump in his throat and finished what he had to say.

"After that, my commanding officer had no other choice but to keep me confined to the brig while he and the executive officer tried to salvage relations with the Vevarians. Unfortunately, they rescinded their requests for help and effectively shut down communications. I was later brought before my superiors and offered two choices: court martial, or transfer. Even though Vevaria had shut it's doors to us and Starfleet would only know of what was in the official reports, they needed someone to take the fall. And so I did. As soon as we got back to Federation space, my transfer orders were pushed through."

"And that's when you were posted here." Rylie said flatly more than asked, running the easy math of two plus two, before going on, "If I may ask, who else knows the truth of what happened?" she asked, a look of slight concern creasing her brow.

"Only Captain Jaro, Commander Hyrun, and the senior staff of the Zenobia. And now you." Jensen stared at his drink, just watching a few bubbles float to the surface of the liquid as he thought about the whole, damned, thing.

There seemed to be a momentary shadow passing over Rylie's face as she took her eyes off of Jensen, the realisation that very few people were privy to some unscrupulous dealings members of Starfleet had been involved in to cover up the true motives of a world, and to allow the deaths of so many. She stood, and paced to the oppsite wall, not turning again for a good few seconds. The moral conflict rattling on in her head was just taking her in circles, and the feeling of eyes staring down at her from her former teacher when she attended the Athera Psionic Academy was certainly not helping matters. Finally turning, she addressed Foster directly, "I won't lie, I wish that this came to me sooner. I'm also unsure if I can say that this can be our little secret."

Looking in her eyes, his gaze unflinching and unapologetic, "I should have come to you sooner with this, but I wasn't ready to face up to it. To own up to the fact that it was a tragic accident and not, entirely, my fault. As for it 'staying our little secret', I don't care. It happened, I can't change that fact. All I can do is make as good of an attempt as I can to move past it and go on with my life. I won't ever make the same mistake again. I'm already making sure of that in my off time."

Cattmor took a breath before exclaiming, "We have to tell the captain."

Smiling almost sardonically, Jensen replied calmly, "I was going to suggest doing just that. It was my intention of going to T'mpest as soon as we'd talked everything over. I would like you to be there, you are the Executive Officer after all." He already felt a great weight lift off his shoulders at just having been able to tell someone what had happened. He waited for Cattmor's response, wondering off-handedly if he would be visiting anytime soon, or if, by revealing his dark secret, Cal'n's ghost would leave him alone. He surely hoped so.

"Are you insane?" Rylie almost spat.

Her instructor glared at her from across the room. "What are you doing?"

"If any of this got out, it would spell the end of your career in Starfleet." she concluded, in basic terms, and for the moment, making her choice in the moral conflict still raging in her head.

Lindell quickly cut in, "Oh would you just listen to yourself. This man has just confessed to you that he killed hundreds of people. You're guilty of similar, kitty cat, but unlike for you, there's no institution out here for him. You should put him in his place, now, destroy him; destroy his mind like you've done with so many others. He deserves whatever he gets, whatever comes to him, whatever worse things your mind can conjur up to turn his synapes into the consistency of kava juice..."

Staring at Cattmor with a slightly bewildered look on his face, "But you just sa-"

"Shut up!" Rylie shouted, the marking on her temples flaring slightly.


to be continued...


Lieutenant Commander Rylie Cattmor
Executive Officer
USS Ranger

Lieutenant Jensen Foster
Chief Medical Officer
USS Ranger

 

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