Exploring the Mind

Posted on Tue Mar 17th, 2009 @ 8:41pm by Lieutenant JG Lucy Carter

2,002 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: In The Dark
Timeline: Prior to Away Mission

ON:

Kevin Larkin was stewing in his quarters, contemplating his conversation with Commander Lane. As much as he wanted to find out what happened to the Dragoon, something was holding him back; he wasn't even really sure that it was fear anymore. It was an entirely intangible sensation, as if something was telling him that he was better off not knowing.

'Oh Relax," he thought to himself. 'There might not be anything in there anyway. This could all just be a case of some rather vivid bad dreams.' Somehow he knew that this wasn't true. He reached over to his commbadge, which was sitting on his desk, and activated it while holding it in his hand.

=A= Lt. Larkin to Ensign Carter =A=

=A= Carter here, Lieutenant and congratulations on your promotion" responded Carter, pleased to be hearing from him.=A=

=A= Hi, I was wondering if... if maybe I could arrange to meet with you, some time. There are some things that I would, uhh, that I'd like to discuss with you. =A=

=A="Yes of course, Lieutenant. Do you want to come to see me now? I am in my quarters but I can meet you in my office in 5 minutes."

=A= Oh, I didn't expect... Yes, that would be great. I'll see you then. =A= 'Well, at least I can get this started,' he thought to himself. He quickly affixed the communicator to its proper place on his uniform, and left his quarters. The walk to Deck 4 was a familiar one to the CSO, by now, but it seemed a bit longer than usual.

Carter made sure her uniform was in place and left her quarters.

A few minutes later, Kevin found himself outside the Counsellor's Office. The locked door told him he had arrived first. He leaned up against the wall, and waited for Ensign Carter. He was still uneasy, but he wasn't quite as trepidations about everything as he had been in his quarters. Getting up and walking about had helped his disposition.

Carter now realised she was late for her appointment and started running. As she rounded the curve to her office, she didn't see Lieutenant Larkin leaning against the wall, bent over slightly and obviously thinking about something. Before she could stop herself, she had ploughed into him. Both of them ended up on the floor in an embarrassing muddle with Carter on top of Larkin, one of her arms pinned underneath him.

She was mortified and scrambled to her feet as fast as she could. She ran her hands through her hair then offered a hand to Larkin who remained on the floor.

"I am SO SORRY!, " began Carter, flushed from the experience. "That will teach me to rush. Are you all right?"

Kevin was fairly stunned by the incident, and it took him a few moments to comprehend what happened. "Yeah," he replied, trying to satiate Carter's obvious embarrassment. He took her hand, and a moment later he was back on his feet. "Don't worry about it. I end up falling on the floor often enough of my own accord. I'm used to it by now. Uhh, thanks for meeting me on such short notice, by the way. I appreciate it."

"No problem. That's what I am here for. Shall we go in?" Carter tapped her security code into the door pad and the doors flew open. Her hand still hurt from having been squashed by Larkin and she shook it to regain some feeling as she walked into the open office.

She went over to her chair and pulled it up alongside one of the other chairs in the room. "Please, take a seat," she said kindly, "or you can lie on the couch if that would make you more comfortable. Are you sure you are OK? "

Larkin took the seat next to Carter. "Yes, I'm alright," he paused for a moment, considering for a moment how to proceed. "Let me save us a little time. How much do you know about my past, that is with regard to my file?"

"Well you must know I have access to all medical files and so I have read yours," replied Carter. She smiled encouragingly at him.

"Ok, good, you already know about the Dragoon," he rubbed the back of his neck, clearly a little uncomfortable talking about the issue. "So you know that I don't really remember any of what happened, or so I thought. Over the past couple of days, I've been having some...rather vivid dreams that are making me question that. I think that I might be starting to remember something."

"It's a distinct possibility," said Carter, "the brain can withhold traumatic events sometimes to protect itself. It could be what has happened to you. Your unconscious mind might be beginning to stir up those experiences again. Do you want to try to remember more?"

"That's really the question, isn't it," Larkin replied, laughing a little. "Sometimes I think that I do, and other times I'm afraid of what I might find out. Can you give me any sort of money back guarantee if I'm not entirely satisfied with how my memories turn out?" Larkin was trying to make a joke. He'd read this phrase countless times in old Earth novels, but by the 24th century it had lost enough of its meaning to make the joke come off as most did for Larkin: awkwardly.

"Only you can decide, Kevin, what you want to do. But it sounds to me like you are being troubled more that you want to be by these unsurfaced memories. Maybe bringing them to the fore would mean that I could help you with a way to deal with them." Carter smiled at him, kindly. "You know, there is an old Chinese proverb that says that the dragon you run away from grows two heads. Perhaps in your case, we could call it the "Dragoon"!" She hoped the troubled Lieutenant would be comforted by her attempt at humour.

"So, if I did want to remember, what exactly could we do?"

"Well, we could try hypnosis," Carter suggested. "I would just help you relax and alter your state of consciousness very carefully so that you might start to remember your feelings of your time on the Dragoon. How does that sound?"

Larkin considered her offer for a moment. This wasn't the first time someone had suggested this course of action. It hadn't been that successful the first time, but, given recent developments, he had to admit that it was worth another go. "Alright, why not?"

"Ok, then. Please lie down on the coach and close your eyes. Make sure you are as comfortable as you can be and we can begin."

Larkin did as he was told. It was not difficult to make himself comfortable, or as comfortable as he could get, given the circumstances; the couch was very soft. He imagined that was the point. "Ok, I think I'm ready."

Carter asked the computer to dim the lights in her office by 50% and drew her chair up alongside Larkin. She could see he was tense. "Try and relax, Kevin. Breathe in through your nose and .... out through your mouth."

Slowly, he was beginning to feel more and more at ease. A thought occurred. "Should I be," he couldn't finish his question.

Carter interjected, "No, don't try to speak. Concentrate on your breathing and imagine that your body is very heavy. It's sinking into the coach now. Heavier and heavier... listen to the sound of my voice..."

Larkin chided himself. He'd done this before; he knew he was supposed to be trying not to think, which was a difficult task for him. He, once again, tried to do as he was told. He concentrated on the rhythmic raising and lowering of his chest. His mind gradually let go of what was going on around him and began to wander. In the distance, he could hear that Carter was speaking again, but he couldn't really focus on what she was saying; all he heard was the soothing tone in her voice.

Carter continued the preparation work and Larkin visibly relaxed. His breathing was much more regular and deep than it had been earlier and she knew he was ready.

"Now, I want to you imagine you are on the shuttle to the Dragoon, at the start of your mission. You are ready to dock there. What can you see?"

"I'm, looking out the window at the ship," Larkin's voice was slow and heavier than usual. "Some of the other scientists are talking. I don't know them very well, so I don't join in." His sentences were short and a little broken. "Dragoon looks old, but in decent shape."

"Good, well done, Kevin. You are doing well. Now. I am going to bring you forward to when you had your first meal on board. OK? What are you eating?"

"Klingon Gagh. Chef suggested it. I think he might have been playing a joke on me."

"Good, you are doing really well. I am going to ask you to leave the mess hall now and move to a time when you didn't feel quite at ease. Is there anything going on, on board?"

"I'm getting promoted to Assistant CSO. I'm not sure that I like the idea. Too much responsibility, and management isn't science. Eventually came to enjoy it. Organization has a logical structure. I like logical things. Easier to understand."

Carter needed to get to the point that was bothering him. "You are doing very well, Kevin. Keep breathing and listening to the sound of my voice. Now. Go to a time where you felt very uncomfortable. Something is going on. Something that is not supposed to happen. Something out of the ordinary."

Larkin became visibly uneasy. "Harder to see. I'm in a lab cataloging data. An emergency siren starts going off."

"Good. What is going on around you? What can you see?"

The man shifted slightly on the couch. "Another ship. Another ship is attacking us. Doesn't make sense. It's still a month until I get found in the shuttle. This shouldn't be happening now, it happens weeks later." A mix of emotion played across the Lieutenant's face. He was clearly fighting something. "Explosions... someone's boarding... transporter beam... the ship!" Larkin shot straight up, startling Carter. He was now fully awake; a few beads of sweat dripped from his brow.

Carter gently put a hand on his shoulder and said softly "it's OK, Kevin, it's OK. When I take my hand away you will be fully conscious and feel fine. You will remember everything you have just told me." Gingerly she removed the pressure of her hand from his shoulder. He was clearly disturbed and the hypnosis had gone on long enough.

Larkin shook his head, trying to shrug off the disturbing sensation the hypnosis had left with him. "Wow," was all he could manage to say. "That was intense. I," he struggled to find words. "I have no idea how to interpret some of that."

Carter smiled at him. "Listen, I think we should continue with these sessions. You have made real progress here today."

"Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea. For now, I think I need to go get some rest," he slowly stood to leave. "You know, the kind that doesn't involve remembering horrible, horrible things." The smile on his face said that he was trying to lighten the tension he felt.

Before leaving, he turned back a moment to face Carter again. "Hey, thanks for your help. I mean, I know it's your job, but I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I'll see you later, Counselor."

Carter smiled reassuringly then said, softly "hey, you did really well. See you later." She continued to smile even after her office doors had closed behind him.

A Joint Post by
Lieutenant JG Kevin Larkin
Ensign Lucy Carter

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