Sharing

Posted on Wed Oct 21st, 2009 @ 12:54am by Lieutenant Commander Eliza McAdams & Lieutenant JG Ryan Warner

3,538 words; about a 18 minute read

Mission: The Shining Truth
Location: Holodeck 1, USS Archimedes
Timeline: Current - Evening

Ryan Warner's trademark smirk had been replaced by a wide smile of deep affection. The holoprogram had only been online for several moments but already he seemed to be glowing, admiring the sight before him as if it were a grand work of art. That description, however, was hardly fitting. A large Vokarian class freighter filled the aft view, it's port side landing pads almost rusted with environmental markings and an entrance ramp filling the void. It was a sleek brown colour, marked and scorched but still well maintained. The pilot gave a sigh, folding his arms as he took the view in. He had really struggled when it came to this assignment, he had spent so long considering exactly what to share with his counterpart but had finally came to this conclusion. Who cared what he gave away, he was proud of Jennifer, she was his home.

"So...what do you think?" He didn't look at Kate as he asked the question, he couldn't deny that he was mildly embarassed at opening up like this, at showing off his home and obviously opening up in a way that he still wasn't sure that she was entitled to witness.

Kathryn thought many things. She thought that the week had been far too long and, in the end, unproductive for her liking. She thought that it didn't seem to matter how many crimes she worked on, especially murders, every case found new and unamusing ways to confuse her and leave her doubting her own abilities. She thought that having a Ferengi dealing with their billetting issues was just another potential aggravation and also thought herself a little unfair for adhering to stereotypes when she was tired and fed-up. More than anything, she thought that this task was possibly the most absurb thing she'd ever heard of but that was because she suspected, deep down, that what she really thought was that Ryan Warner was not going to understand the significance of anything she showed him and, more than that, would probably have no interest in even trying to. Her stomach turned to knots every time she tried to think about what her contribution would be and, in actual fact, she'd found herself relieved and even grudgingly grateful that he'd offered to go first. It didn't leave her feeling any more confident in terms of his sensitivity but it would at least give her an idea of what he considered a reasonable response.

If this could be called reasonable.

Kathryn, despite the opinion of some including present company, was not a snob. What translated as conceit was, more often than not, simply reserved analysis since it was the woman's want to hold back and observe before she gave of herself in any way. If she had ever known anything about Ryan's past, it had been fleeting pieces of information picked up through the normal execution of her duties, though she would have to admit, under duress, that she'd read his standard dossier after their sentence had been passed down. That alone gave her some cause to consider this at least a reasonably personal revelation though she couldn't judge how personal from the information she'd had access to thus far. The look on his face now, however...

Her sideways glance shifted abruptly as he spoke, flitting back towards the freighter as if it was somehow a crime to be caught looking at him. The arms folded across her stomach might have given the impression of disinterest but guarded stances were not uncommon from the security officer when she felt considerably out of her comfort zone. And she was definitely out of it here. Awkwardly, she considered her reply, a thoughtful pause that could easily have been misinterpreted as displeasure by anyone who didn't know the woman well enough to realise she was far more empathetic than she allowed herself to appear most days. This was important to him, she was reasonably sure of that. She might not have found Ryan easy to get along with but she had no desire to hurt him. "Ships aren't really my speciality," she eventually admitted and immediately regretted it. To cover her unintentional dismissiveness, she added, "Do your family still own her?"

She was too hard to read, Ryan always thought he had an element of 'street smarts' which kind of enhanced his perceptiveness but with Kathryn he just had no idea. In response all he could do was give a swift nod, true enough his dad was still out there somewhere. Whether his brother was still acting as the ship's first mate or not was questionable but he knew that Jennifer was the pride and joy of the Warner family. Well it was more than that, it was home. It was their source of income, their bed at night and where they spent time together. The more the pilot took the vessel's significance into consideration, the more he realised just how important she had been to him over the years. How important she still was to some extent. He took a sideways glance, not bothering to gauge his counterparts mood. Why bother? He'd never be able to figure it out and in truth he didn't care to. "Would you like to take a look inside?"

Though Kate had no more luck in accurately gauging the thought processes of the man standing beside her, she was acutely aware of how uncomfortable this had suddenly become. It was instinctual more than anything, a subconscious acknowledgement in the subtle changes of his demeanor that lead her to deduce, at least on a peripheral level, that the significance of the venture had increased somewhat. Ryan, as she has probably expected, hadn't really taken the task very seriously but now that they were here, his attitude seemed to be changing. She didn't want to be here but that wasn't a personal dislike so much as it just didn't feel right being involved in something of such private importance to a man she barely knew and often failed to get along with. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "Are you sure?"

She actually flushed the moment the words were out, the arms around her stomach gripping tighter as it occured to her too late that the uncertainty in her tone was a little more revealing than she tended to like being around Ryan. Her aloofness set him on edge but it was a defense mechanism, a protection against his opinion, which she seemed to expect to be negative. As she waited for his reply, she resolutely refused to look at him.

"Am I sure? Of course I'm sure, I wouldn't be inviting you otherwise." Ryan rolled his eyes and clucked his tongue like an irritated child. Here they were, more or less allocated a task that was rather emotionally difficult for the pair of them and he was trying his upmost to let her inside. This ship screamed of his personality and he knew that fine well. Maybe understanding his background would provoke Kate to lighten up. And if Kate lightened up then perhaps she would keep off his back and let this sentence finish with little difficulty. The helmsman began making his way to the entrance ramp, ducking under the port side of the vessel and almost disappearing inside. Perhaps provoking her would loosen her up a little. "Look, just please come in will you? Don't make this any more of a hassle than it already is."

Case in point. Annoyance flared to smother her uncertainty and Kate frowned at the back of Ryan's head. Of all the things he wasn't, empathetic was probably the most frustrating absentee, either that or he was genuinely too arrogant to even spend a shred of time trying to see a situation from the other person's point of view. There were times when Kathryn truly believed that her insecurity was as blindingly obvious as an on-coming locomotion and yet Ryan was either oblivious or he just didn't care. As always, she refused to let him see that he'd hurt her, instead following with a rather ungracious set to her jaw that betrayed more of a bitter frustration. She held her tongue though. He'd goaded her enough lately and she really didn't want this to descend into another argument, not when they still had her side of the task to get through.

Ryan wandered through the accessway and into the large, main walkway of the vessel, a narrow rectangular corridor that led to either the sleeping quarters and cockpit or further down where the storage holds and living areas were. The program was perfect, for all the wonder of the modern holosuite, Jennifer had lost that familiar smell of home cooking and bulkhead polish. That was probably what pained him most, losing that smell of home, that old familiarity that would swamp your nostrils when you entered the ship. He smiled, glancing around. A sudden wave of homesickness fell upon him, a surge of emotion that he just could not have anticipated and for a moment he simply felt sad and perhaps even lonely. A sigh escaped his throat and he turned to his his right as Kathryn joined him. "I grew up here. I mean, my family are Australian but I don't remember much of Melbourne. My mum died when I was just a little kid."

The revelation had been made so matter-of-factly and yet it caught Kathryn off-guard. Though she knew his family situation to a certain extent, at least in the unpersonal, highly factual way it was revealed in his dossier, Kathryn had never really expected it to come up in conversation. After all, the loss of a parent was a deeply personal tragedy and Ryan was hardly someone who went out of his way to confide in her. Actually, come to think of it, not many people did... She risked a glance at his profile again and her features crumpled into a faint, worried frown. Empathising in an expressive way meant lowering the defenses somewhat and she never found that easy where Ryan was concerned. "It seems comfortable enough," she replied carefully, whilst all the while screaming at herself for her inability to coax her tone into reflecting the compassion she actually found herself experiencing. As usual, over-compensation became an issue as she tried to steer herself into warmer waters. "Dad would like this."

The minute the words had left her mouth, Kathryn froze and swallowed. Though she was fair-minded, she wasn't sure that bringing her beloved father into the conversation was exactly like-for-like. Still, it had been said, and she was a woman for whom explanation was a way of life. "He likes ships," she started, rather weakly considering she'd earlier claimed to know little about them.

The pilot grinned, although not directly at her. He too was feeling the awkwardness that came from the situation and it was impossible not to sense it from her. He considered, for a moment, that Kate might be attempting to let her guard down but a tinge of fear had gripped him as that came to light. He didn't really want to take advantage of that situation, if she let him in then she may not let him back out again. So he moved on and stepped towards the narrow corridor. "Well Jennifer is pretty old, we made some modifications to her outer hull and that large propulsion system in the back was tuned up whenever we had some time. See she's unusual - watch your head, by the way - because there's so much emphasis on the cargo bays. It's like a tiny working area with masses of storage space and that's something that modern freighters don't have."

"How did you compensate for the...." Just in time, Kate caught herself and clamped her mouth shut, cheeks already heating to a traitorous flush as she realised too late that she was making a liar of herself. That wasn't strictly true since Kate didn't consider herself an expert on ship construction, but there was something to the point that Kate never thought herself an expert on anything really, at least outside her work and that was more practise and familiarity than genuine talent in her eyes. In this particular instance, she had no practical expertise beyond basic engineering skills but she had listened to her father often enough, with the patient fondness of a doting child who would have tolerated anything if it allowed her to stay up another half hour, and her naturally eager mind had asborbed the information and assimilated it. She knew a lot about what was important and knew something about why it was important and now that knowledge was coming back to bite her. Unable to look at Ryan, she busied herself ducking as he'd suggested. "So how many of you were there?" She technically knew, or at least could guess, if his dossier was correct but the rather lame query was all the salvation she could come up with for now.

"Around six on busy years, mostly extra cargo hands looking for work or people seeking transport who volunteered to help out. The official registered crew was three. Myself, my dad and my brother." Warner kept walking down the narrow corridor, not bothering to make sure she was following. He had on destination in mind but was carefully taking in the atmosphere that the hologram projected. A rather thick and heavy weight harnessed his stomach tightly, it wasn't nerves, just a desire to return home. He missed this. As they walked he banged his fist on a door, thought not bothering to stop. "My bedroom," he announced, "just a small compact quarters arrangement but pure solitude. You can rely on peace and quiet on these old boats if you don't mind the sound of the bulkheads creaking."

Kate followed, but slowly, a wandering amble that saved her a little from projecting an air of complete disinterest. As far as body language went, the brunette couldn't have been more closed if she'd tried but the expression on her face had slackened enough to reveal a keeness about her eyes that at least made her seem attentive. Her father really would have liked this, she realised, and that fact alone gave her reason to take notice. Perhaps it was a little pathetic but it seemed easier to accept something that had her father's approval since she trusted his judgement far more than she trusted her own in most things. Since Ryan was a reasonable distance ahead and still moving away from her, Kathryn risked unwinding her arms and reached out a slender hand to touch the bulkhead gently, unaware that it was the door this old quarters that was receiving her attention. She hadn't been paying that close attention.

Ryan ducked under the next plated arch on the bulkhead and tenderly stepped through into a large, central cockpit. After straightening out, he suddenly seemed to slump. His shoulders sank and his head flopped at an angle, it seemed as if holding it up straight had become too daunting a task for him. A surge of emotion crept up from his stomach and seeped through his throat, escaping as a heavy sigh as he gazed around the area. The controls, the viewport, the sensor array and loading system. It was all so familiar, an image that was already emblazoned into his memory. This was where it had all began, this was where he had made his first turn hard to port and had engaged warp engines for the first time. Slowly, he straightened up and folded his arms, speaking as his guest entered the cockpit with him. "I never realised how much I missed it, you know? My dad and I don't talk much and since I moved to the Daedalus we've been on rocky terms. You wander into a starship, you take up your duty post and everything becomes so routine that you almost forget about home." He swallowed and turned to look at her, a small smile creeping up on his features. "You can't call a starship home, it just doesn't work that way."

Kate had found herself listening to his tone more than his words at first since she couldn't remember a time when she'd ever heard Ryan Warner sound even remotely....well, sentimental. It was mesmerising in a sense, though Kate didn't catch herself responding to it until she'd been staring at him for long enough to be obvious. It was that same lack of awareness, however, that kept her features soft and the expression in her eyes gently questioning without being locked behind the steel wall that usually protected her emotions from the outside world. He had surprised her and her reaction was genuine and transparent though lacking the judgemental aspect she was so often mistaken for conveying. Even after she caught herself and blinked rapidly to dispell her scattered thoughts, Kate didn't retreat entirely, instead offering him a faint smile in return as she folded her arms across her stomach and then looked away, making a point of examining the cockpit interior intently as she quietly replied, "I guess that makes sense."

And it did, in a way, though it was difficult for Kate to express it or even admit it. Service was important to her, duty even more so, and so even expecting that the ships she served on to somehow provide any sense of domestic bliss was just....well, it wasn't important. At least, she thought it shouldn't be important and was rather confused at the melancholy Ryan had managed to evoke. Try as she might, she couldn't help but confess that there was an element of sadness to the fact that all her assignments had simply become places to work. The only thing she'd really inherited that carried over into her personal life was....well, Ryan. The faintest of frowns creased her forehead before she inhaled and the expelled a soft sigh. "I don't think anywhere replaces where you grew up though. That's sort of..." She paused awkwardly, going as far as to flush pink now that she was trying to put actual feelings into words. "Well, you know...special."

"I guess..." He hadn't really taken in her response, his eyes had wandered back to the control panel and the navigational system and his mind was slowly beginning to fill with vague memories and muted feelings. It had been a far more elaborate experience than he had prepared for but now he was suddenly aware of how much he was sharing. Maybe there was merit to the experiment, maybe this would somehow help Kate to understand more about him and yet he still had his doubts. He'd never know what she thought anyway and he refused to ask her. He had learned early after the outcome of their trial had been delivered that she didn't like it when people pryed into her emotions. So he folded his arms and let out another sigh, this one conveying a sort of forced sense of irritance. "So, do we check the box then? Are we done?"

The abrupt return to more familiar territory was so profound that Kate didn't have a response for it at first. It took no feat of psychological analysis to surmise that the woman had difficulty letting her guard down and though her exceptionally tentative attempt was by no means entirely obvious, to her it had taken a certain amount of relinquishing that she wasn't altogether sure she was ready for. Ryan's response, whether he realised it or not, was exactly the kind of thing Kate feared and was the very rejection that sent her further into her shell, even when it was only her overly analytical mind fabricating the situation ahead of time and then overreacting without just cause. This was real, however, and this hurt.

The impact of it was more profound than she'd expected. In fact, it caught her so unawares that the brunette shot the pilot a look of shocked dismay that, whilst only lasting a few seconds, was not easily disguised. What had she done this time? Often during their interactions, Kate bristled and reacted in ways that were counterproductive, something that she was aware of but couldn't quite stop herself from doing, not without making herself vulnerable to his scorn. She hadn't done that this time though, or at least she hadn't meant to, so why was he suddenly treating her like an inconvenience again? Self-recrimination coiled around Kate's chest until each breath felt like a struggle and just as soon as they had dropped, her protective shields slammed back into place, albeit not quite fast enough to completely mask the damage behind them. With a whip of her hair, she turned, retreating from the source of her pain as quickly as her legs could navigate the enclosed space. "Yes, we're done."

----------------------------

Another wholesome, explorative JP by:

Lieutenant JG Ryan Warner
Helmsman
USS Archimedes

AND

Lieutenant JG Kathryn Martin
Chief Sec/Tac Officer
USS Archimedes

 

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